Humor

What the fly on the wall heard

~ Christie ~ 2 Comments

Surprisingly, these first two are from my husband. He totally cracks me up – I thought first to put these on facebook, but then thought they’d be better here, since it’s been awhile.

****

We’d been driving for several minutes where Paul and I had been quietly talking to each other with the constant interruption of “Mommy! Daddy!”

“Children!” Paul began, in a very professorial tone, “I’m trying to talk to your mother. I chose her to be my wife. I loved her and wanted to be with her and talk to her. I did not choose you. I love you very much, but you were thrust upon me. You are here no matter what. But your mother I chose. I did not have to be with her, but I wanted to and so I married her because I wanted to talk to her.”

He went on and on restating himself until finally concluding, “So please, sit there and be quiet for just a few minutes so mother and I can talk.”

It was mostly quiet with a few giggles before Sophia piped up, “Daddy?”

****

The little girls were finishing getting ready for bed, I was on the couch relaxing, and Hope and Paul were talking.

He handed her a book to read to him. She didn’t want that one.

“Here, this is Anne of Green Gables; do you know what that is?” Paul asked.

Hopey shook her head.

“It’s a book that a whole lot of people like,” he began, “And do you know how many of all those people are women?”

Hope shook her head again.

“All of them.”

****

A few mornings ago, we were all in the kitchen and Gracie kept opening her mouth and making an “Ah!” noise trying to get our attention.

“Gracie, what are you trying to show us?” I asked.

With huge eyes and excited voice she replied, “Two of my taste buds are stuck together and they won’t come off!”

****

My children are very interested in what meats come from what animals. We’ve been eating roast beef sandwiches for lunch lately and they’ve started this funny joke among themselves. One of the little girls will say, “Mommy, what animal is this from?”

“A cow.”

“Ohhhh!” They get excited and pick up there meat to hold flat in their hand. “Would you like to pet my cow?”

I politely decline.

****

Mckayla said this a few months ago, but the girls loved it so much that it has become another one of their jokes.

She was being slow to finish her lunchmeat so I kindly reminded her that she needed to finish quickly if she wanted her cookie/treat/whatever-it-was-that-day.

“Okay.” She responded happily (love when that happens), “but I can’t eat too much or I’ll have to go to the hospital.”

****

Hope you enjoyed the latest installment of all the silly, random, and ridiculous things said around here.

Until next time! = )

What the fly on the wall heard {a little more serious}

~ Christie ~ 2 Comments

I guess one of the joys and terrors of parenting is answering the questions your children are bound to ask. We’ve had some pretty good ones in the last year, so I thought it’d be fun to write them down.

Here they are, in no particular order.

Hope:

“Mommy, if God is righteous and would never do anything wrong, then why did He tell Abraham to take the life of his son Isaac? Doesn’t the Bible say that killing is wrong? I don’t understand.”

“Mommy, before Adam and Eve sinned, when they walked with God… was God still invisible to them?”

****

Sophia:

“Mommy, does God know all the people that will believe in Him?”

****

Gracie

“Mommy, what are feelings?” Seriously, have you ever tried to define the concept of feelings without using the word “feel”? It took me a good five minutes to come up with an answer. Let alone the fact that I was driving the car, ending a phone call about lunch plans, and hoping for a red light so I could put on my make-up. Their timing!

A few days later she asked, “What does ‘after’ mean?”

Hope

This one she asked while really thinking through salvation. I thought it was pretty interesting that even at five we want to figure out a way to gain our own righteousness. “So Mommy, what if a person could stop sinning and only do good things for the rest of their life. Could they go to heaven then?”

****

And for a light ending, yesterday I saw Gracie in the middle of the living room, arms extended, passionately preaching. It didn’t take long to realize she was being Jonah. (She was the only one there) After a few more minutes, she dropped her hands and looked dejectedly up, “God, the people of Nineveh just won’t settle down!”

What the fly on the wall heard

~ Christie ~ 2 Comments

This is probably the longest collection of random, ridiculous, and silly things that I’ve ever posted. Wow, has it been a riot around here!

****

One of Hope’s Awana teachers stopped me after church on Sunday night to tell me about something Hope had said. Apparently the question had been asked, “What was one of God’s promises to Abraham?”

She raised her hand and answered, “That he would have a lot of defendants!”

****

We were in the car when Gracie randomly asked me, “Mommy, how does that ‘peas-on-or’ go?”

“The what?”

“Peas-on-or!”

“Peace-honor?” I was trying really hard.

She repeated it again.

“Oh, do you mean like “Peace on earth, good will to men?”

“No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like -” and she began humming part of the verse to “Hark, the Herald Angels Sing.”

“Oh, ‘peace on earth and mercy mild…'” I finally got it.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That’s it!” and she went on happily singing it.

I love playing Mad Gab with a three-year-old.

****

Sophia picked up a funny phrase from a Paddington Bear book this week.

At lunch I asked her if she would like more carrots.

“Well, strike-a-me pink, yes I would!”

And she continued to weave that phrase into every sentence she said. Needless to say it was -as the girls would say- “a crackin’ up” lunch. = )

****

Last Saturday, we walked to a bagel shop for breakfast. (So fun!)

While we were there Gracie turned to me and said, “My bagel is so good! Mommy, I’m going to count to three and you’re going to take a bite of my bagel.”

This was quite interesting seeing how dearly Gracie loves her food. Paul and I looked at each other and smiled, then looked back and her and waited.

And waited.

She took a huge drink of orange juice, then another bite of bagel.

We looked at each other again then back at her.

Crickets, crickets. Nothing. She happily went on eating her food and taking huge drinks of orange juice.

We looked back at each other and tried not to laugh.

Paul asked, “Gracie, when are you going to count to three so Mommy can have a bite of your bagel?”

“Well…” (if you know her, you should be able to hear what that word sounds like when she says it) “I’m going to take thwee big drinks of orange juice and then she’s going to take a bite!”

****

Last night, the girls played their current favorite bedtime game of hiding from Paul when he comes in to sing their goodnight songs. They were all under their blankets, “hidden.”

When it came time for Sophia’s turn, she threw off the covers and made her best monster face, “I’m a giant!” she bellowed.

“Giant,” Paul asked, “what did you have for breakfast today?”

“A person!” she snarled.

“Wow! What did you have for lunch?”

“A rambonian!!” she was trying to keep a straight face.

“A what?”

She pulled her act back together, “A zebra!”

” Wow, and what did you have for dinner?”

She shrugged her shoulders casually and said, “A banana.”

Something about it was so funny. I think Paul and I both laughed uncontrollably for at least a minute.

Gracie decided it was her turn. “I’m a lion!” she roared.

“Really?” Paul asked, “And lion, what did you have for breakfast today?”

She twisted up her face and said, “A bear!”

“Wow, and what did you have for lunch?”

“Eyeballs!”

After our laughter subsided, we decided that was probably a good place to stop.

****

In other news, it’s been a great week! We began potty training Mckayla on Monday and the first two days were quite unproductive. However, since then she’s caught on – yay! It made everything else even more challenging, but in retrospect, we did great! Finishing school this week felt like a major accomplishment! 

We’re looking forward to a fun, but busy week ahead. Let’s hope we can bring some order to this place on Saturday or we will be sunk for sure. = ) 

Love to all!

Christie

What the fly on the wall heard

~ Christie ~ 2 Comments

Hello dear everybody out there. Just bringing you the latest and greatest random, ridiculous, and silly things said around here.

****

Hope received a wooden bead/pipe cleaner craft set for Christmas. I figured she would use it here and there for a while, but she sat down and used all the beads making bracelets in one hour! It was impressive; I wish I had taken pictures.

Anyways, she said she wanted to take them to her Sunday school and give them to all the girls. Sounds great! We boxed them up; she made a sign explaining they were free and anyone who wanted one could have them, and off to Sunday school they went.

Apparently, it was a great success. They were all gone but three, and Hope was glowing.

Paul was asking her questions about how it went and she was giving us the play by play. Paul asked if any boys had taken any.

Hope shrugged her shoulders and said, “Well, a few of them did; but I couldn’t really control that.”

****

Last night, Gracie asked me what was for dinner.

“Beef strips, cooked carrots and couscous.” I answered.

“Tooth boost?”

****

One morning while I was cleaning up from breakfast, the girls got this idea to have Mckayla be their little friend “Mckenna” who had come to spend the night. They took her all over the house explaining all the rooms.

“This is the room where you will stay. This is where you’ll use the bathroom. This is where so-and-so sleeps.”

They finished the tour at the kitchen. I was sweeping the floor.

“And this is our maid. She cleans and cooks for us.”

What the fly on the wall heard

~ Christie ~ 1 Comment

imageIt certainly has been a long time since we did one of these. There has been no lack of random, ridiculous and silly things said here; I have just not kept up with writing them down. Every time I’ve thought of writing them here, I’ve stopped because there have been so many I’ve missed. But here we go again, if for no other reason than to get back in the saddle again.

I’m afraid with one exception, this might be a solo Gracie routine.

****

As we pulled into the parking lot for our pediatrician’s office, one of the girls asked, “Will we have to sit on the sick side today?”

“Yes,” I replied, “we’ll have to sit on the sick side.”

Gracie: “I want to sit on the seven side!”

****

No joke. The next time we pulled into that same parking lot, the girls again asked which side we would be on.

“We’ll be on the well side.” I answered.

Gracie: “The twelve side?”

****

On the way home from church tonight, Gracie began out of nowhere, “Mommy, octopuses have soooo many legs! Like soooo much legs! Not one… not two… not three, but like zwewo legs!”

****

Sometimes the funniest comments come from a misunderstanding. Paul had returned from work one day, and everyone was hustling and bustling around him. He causes quite a commotion among the girls when he walks through the door. He was standing in the doorway of the kitchen talking to me when he asked the girls, “Guess what I had for lunch today?”

Simultaneously, Sophia began crawling in the cabinet right by his feet. (it’s their car they use to get everywhere) = )

Paul looked down and said, “Sophia…”

She scampered out of the cabinet with a giggle, “You didn’t have Sophia for lunch!!”

What the fly on the wall heard

~ Christie ~ Leave a comment

image

My collection of the random, ridiculous, and silly things said around here. I know it’s been awhile, but these are some doozies!

****

Gracie has had a recurring line lately that has been cracking us up.

When Paul has the chance, he will tell them a story before bed. Awhile ago he started with the “Samuel story” so it’s now progressed into Saul and David. If you’ve read the account, there are some moments of… well, battle-ish type scenarios. Gracie apparently gets it pretty well.

Paul will be wrapped up in the story, telling it with great excitement while the girls listen spellbound -except for Mckayla, who hasn’t quite yet mastered the art of being spellbound- when a graphic detail will come along…

“… and the prophet Samuel chopped King Agag in pieces!”

And Gracie will interject, “Oh, that’s not good!”

It’s all I can do to not completely lose it on the spot.

What makes it so funny is that she keeps doing it! Even though there’s days or even weeks between opportunities. I can’t remember all of them, but you can imagine when she heard,

“… and they came in the next morning, and the god Dagon was on his face on the ground with his arms broken off!”

“Oh, that’s not good!”

“… and that stone landed right in Goliath’s forehead and he fell down dead!”

“Oh, that’s not good!”

Apparently, she has some reference for who’s side we’re on, because when Paul said, “And the army of Israel chased the Philistines and defeated them…”

She said, “Oh, that’s good!”

We can’t get enough; it is so hilarious! And she never is scared about it, just totally wrapped up in the story and without even thinking,

“Oh, that’s not good!”

****

On a semi-regular basis, Sophia finds a way to aggravate the normally patient and sweet Hope. Hope will come running to me for help, to which I normally reply, “Did you talk to Sophia about this?”

“No,” she’ll know what I’m about to say…

“Then don’t come talk to me about it.”

So one afternoon this week, Hope came in the kitchen:

“Mommy, Sophia keeps kicking me, and she won’t stop when I tell her to!”

Hope has a very soft and pleading way of saying “No.”

Sophia had been just following her around gently tapping her legs just to annoy her.

“Okay, Hope; this is what you do: Next time Sophia is bothering you, you just look at her and say, ‘Knock it off!’ Now you may not be mean, but you can be very firm and serious. Just say, ‘Sophia, knock it off!’ And Sophia,” I turned my attention to her, “if Hope tells you to knock it off, you stop right away.”

The girls left the kitchen. I wondered whether it would actually work or not.

Sure enough, in an hour or so, Hope came running to me, “Mommy,” she started in an exasperated voice, “I was laying on the floor and Sophia was running around and around me in circles; and I told her, “Kick if off!”

****

Gracie has a turtle that she carries around and often refers to as if it’s her kid. It would take pages and pages to write all the silly things that she has said about her turtle. It’s her general out when she’s in trouble or been corrected, “Yeah, my turtle does that, too.”

One day at lunch, Sophia had asked me if when they grew up and had kids if their kids would call them, “Mommy.” So sweet. Of course, I replied that, “Yes,” they would.

Gracie piped up, “My turtle calls me ‘Mister Letter!'”

That child’s brain operates in a completely original way.

****

On the nights that Paul is home, I supervise/give the girls their baths and showers, get them all ready for bed, then send them out to tell Daddy, “I’m ready for bed!” Once they’re all ready, I make a final appearance in the living room to make sure that they have indeed let him know that everyone is ready for bed, because by that time I am quite ready for those lights to go out and that door to close.

Several weeks ago, I came around the corner to the living room and saw Paul motion to me to be quiet and watch.

Sophia was sitting in a rocking chair and had all the girls sitting around her down on the floor.

I plopped down on the couch and quickly surmised that she was “teaching” a class.

“Now everybody,” she began in a very silly want to be grown-up/British voice. “This is our principal, Mr. Funsday.” She pointed to Paul. “And look who just joined us, his wife, Mrs. Funsday!” She pointed to me and then added, “Let’s all give her a rominal plause.”

All the girls began to clap wildly.

She went on to teach the silliest three minute class I have ever seen. It was definitely worth staying up a little later. = )

****

If you haven’t seen these posts before, check out more of the hilarity here, here, and here. Or just click on the Category “WTFOTWH.”

Monday Morning Mystery!

~ Christie ~ 4 Comments
Green marker found scribbled on wall: approximately 9 am
Green marker found scribbled on wall: 9 am
Green marker without lid: found: approximately 9:15 am
Green marker found without lid: 9:15 am
Suspect spotted with green marker on cheek: approximately 9:30 am
Suspect spotted with green marker on cheek: 9:30 am

Solved!

I do apologize for the poor quality of the evidence photos; but after all, most suspects don’t stand still.

My bright ideas #2: solution for unemployment

~ Christie ~ 4 Comments
photo credit
photo credit

Hold on to your horses, people, because this is going to be amazing.

I thought of this at least a year ago, and it’s been burning in my conscience so badly that I just can’t keep it from the world any longer.

I have the solution to unemployment. And neither the government nor the taxpayer has to pay for it.

Ready?

Have you ever been driving along a beautiful street and then saw an obnoxious, out-of-place telephone pole and thought, “That is so ugly! I wish they would take them down.”

Well, I have.

And that’s when it clicked.

We need to rid America of telephone poles! We don’t need them anymore and they’re really just ugly, unnecessary fixtures that we have to pay to maintain. Imagine the millions of jobs that this could create if we just committed to taking down the telephone poles!

Here’s where it gets brilliant. The cell phone companies would be called upon to subsidize it, because after all, it’s going to make them a lot more money. You could sell the wood to make amazing reclaimed pieces… that would make more money, too. It’s a win-win!

You wish you’d thought of this, right?

And hey, it really is a long-lasting solution, because you know that as soon as they get that last hideous thing down…

… our whole digital, wireless, crazy technology world is going to collapse. And,

you’ll have to rehire people to put them back up.

My little Pharisees

~ Christie ~ Leave a comment

My girlies love clothes. And you can imagine with four of them that we go through a lot. Their Nana loves to shop for them and also gets great hand-me-downs from a friend of hers who has a granddaughter just older than Hope. (how convenient!)

Last time we were at Nana’s house she gifted us with a huge bag of clothes! Which we couldn’t look through for several days! And the girls were going crazy! But I didn’t want to have a mess at an inopportune time! (and do they ever make a mess trying on all those clothes… but they have fun so it’s all good)

When the day finally came for us to go through the stuff, I gave the girls specific instructions: “Girls, I’m going to put the little girls down. Do not touch the bag until I come back out!”

When I returned to the living room, I was shocked and amused at what I found:

IMG_1444The girls had literally made a fence around the bag. “We put all the rocking chairs and ottomans around it so we would make sure we didn’t touch it, Mommy!”

I laughed so hard, took a picture, and thought, “I’ve got to write a post about that!”

Pardon a quick history lesson: Have you ever wondered where the Pharisees came from? They’re nowhere to be found in the Old Testament, and then they suddenly appear unintroduced and unexplained, playing a major role in the gospel narratives.

The Pharisees were the upholders of the law, the self-proclaimed keepers of the kingdom. In their zeal to keep the law and insure that the people of Israel would never again fall into polytheism, the Pharisees had built fences around the law in the form of new laws. These new laws were meant to keep people from disobeying the original laws. But then, those weren’t good enough, and more were put into place. Eventually, the Pharisees made their law-keeping a law unto itself. The purpose of the law in displaying God’s beautiful character was completely obstructed and opposed.

Paul has an awesome “rose garden” illustration about this, but you’ll have to ask him about that.

I cannot explain the depth of my amusement at the fact that my children made a literal fence around something they weren’t supposed to touch. Their childish version of Pharisaism didn’t bother me at all; but wow am I ever going to have an awesome example to use with them when they’re older!

What the fly on the wall heard

~ Christie ~ 5 Comments
photo credit
photo credit

Good morning!

Here are a few funny things that were heard around here this week ~ hope you enjoy!

****

This morning, Gracie got out of bed a little earlier than I wanted to. So after taking her to the restroom, I brought her in bed with me. One of my favorite things to do with the girls is to ask, “What is your favorite…?”

“Gracie, what is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?”

“Strawberries and eggs.” No surprise there; she’s said that before.

“What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch?”

“Macawoni and cheese.” Again, completely normal two-year old answer.

“What is your favorite thing to eat for dinner?”

“Pizza.” I quite agree.

“Gracie, what is your favorite thing to eat for a snack?”

“Spinash.”

?

****

We were driving home from eating dinner out this week when Gracie interrupted the conversation to complain…

“Mommy, I’m hungry!”

I reasoned with her, “You can’t be hungry, Gracie. We just ate.”

“I’m hungry from the talking!”

****

And the grand finale (in my mind). = )

Hope and Sophia were cleaning up their papers and crayons after coloring one afternoon. Sophia held up two cut-out figures that closely resembled a man and woman for me to see.

“Wow, Sophia, those are great. Who are they?” I asked.

Her voice became very excited as she held up the woman who I could now see had a beautifully colored dress, “This is Aunt Laurie at her wedding!!!”

“Oh wow!” I said.

She held up the rather long, skinny figure of a man, “And this is Uncle Aaron. He was so excited he turned into a microphone!!!”

Only Sophia. = )