I’m trying from time to time here to just sit and write out thoughts. Most of my posts are things I’ve thought about for awhile or specific updates about the girls or the family.

There’s a gentleman in our church who loves to tell me how much he wished he would have understood stages when his children were growing up. He’s told me on more than one occasion how hard it is to welcome a new stage while realizing that the one that just passed had fled without his realizing how precious it was.

I remember growing up almost every year in school thinking during the first week how much better last year’s teacher was than this year’s. I finally realized with some amusement that I would soon be missing the teacher I was currently griping about.

“It goes so fast!”, everyone always says. I’ve stood around in more than one group of young moms wondering what to actually do about it.

My sweet and beautiful oldest daughter started kindergarten last week.

The weird thing is – at this point, I don’t really feel like it’s flown by. I feel like I can remember every stage  either in grueling or delightful detail.

But as I now transition to being a school mom, I’m fighting the feeling of wanting to go back to those preschool days. It was so fun to basically play all day every day! I don’t think once I thought, “I can’t wait ’til she’s in school!”

I feel like I have a new baby again…what am I supposed to do with this? You mean I have to guide this child through the intricacies of education? responsibility? relationships? eventually independence?

All right, cut! Everybody, let’s just go back to the playground.

But nope, this is happening whether I want it to or not.

On the positive side, I feel like I have been praying all day every day. Not in the spiritual way, but in the “Lord, if you don’t help me I’m either going to lose it or go hide in a corner somewhere.” (slightly overdramatic)

The challenges, the tests, the stretching into new territory is a gift from God. Not just for Hope, but for me, too. It helps that her eyes have been twinkling for a whole week and she has said at least ten times a day, “I really like school!”

But how to do my best? how to trust and rest? how to self-discipline and diagnose? when to listen and when to go with your gut? These things I’m wondering about.

And how to cling to this last year I have with Sophia, and the last two years with Gracie, and the last three years with Mckayla, and how not to wish they were all in school so we could all be on the same page again.

I’m so thankful for my husband who listens so patiently.

I love my girls more than ever before.

And I’m so grateful for my Jesus who lovingly puts new challenges in my life, and then promises to always be near.

(and I really need to go to bed… because tomorrow is Monday morning!)