Homemade salad dressing out of WHAT???

Let’s suffice it to say, this post will not be categorized in forgettable memories.

If only he knew
If only he knew

Just a couple of months after being married, we were invited to an older couple’s home for golf and dinner. Golf for the guys and hanging out in the kitchen for the girls. She prepared this fabulous meal as I watched and helped, trying to soak up everything I could learn. At one point she made this homemade salad dressing; just pulled a few things out of the cupboard and fridge and voila! a delicious dressing. I was amazed. Well, the meal was lovely, and I was inspired to become a culinary diva who could whip up my own salad dressing and make it look so easy. Because, honestly, you have to be a culinary diva to do that, right?

home sweet home
home sweet home

Fast forward a month or so. It was late morning and Paul was coming home soon for lunch. I had prepared some kind of sandwiches??? I think??? and had also decided to make a little salad in some bowls to go along with it and be kind of special. Aww…so sweet. Well, I realized that all I had was lettuce; and I was kind of suspicious whether it even was lettuce. I remember buying it at the store and thinking “is this really it?” Okay, I knew what lettuce was; we had plenty of that growing up; I just had never been the one to pick it out and yeah…I bought cabbage. So I’m ripping off these “lettuce” leaves into the bowls thinking…this is cabbageno, it’s lettuceuh, I don’t think sowell, it’s all I have so we’ll just go with it. ***Ninety-nine percent of the time a “just go with it” mindset is great(!), but not always.*** And definitely not when it comes to substituting raw cabbage in a salad for lettuce.

But, I stray from the real story: the salad dressing. Looking at my bowls filled only with some sort of green shredded something, I realized, this is pathetic! I don’t even have any salad dressing! Lightbulb!!! I could make one the way my friend did!

A quick glance through my cupboards and I knew I was going to have to get creative. Genius that I was, I dumped a raspberry crystal light packet it into a bowl, added some olive oil, salt and pepper, and stirred it around. (Yeah, the little packets that you mix with a whole gallon of water to make lemonade. Like I said, genius!) Hmm…it didn’t look as delicious as the one my friend made. Yikes, it didn’t taste like it either! But, sometimes, you just have to go with it. ***No you don’t!!!!*** So I drizzled it over our ridiculous bowls of “salad” and hoped for the best.

Do I have to write the rest of this? Well, the mix and olive oil separated and became all at once slimy and gritty. Our cabbage became a bright hot pink color. The taste was…atrocious, or was that the raw cabbage?

A failure in every sense of the word. My husband was actually really nice; I mean, he laughed at me, but who wouldn’t? That was probably one of the moments where he began to realize what he had gotten himself into.

We definitely bought a whopping bottle of amazing store-bought ranch on the next grocery run. And the cabbage ended up in the trash.

My superhero who has survived it all
My superhero who has survived it all

Since then, I’ve come a loooong way. It’s amazing what scrutinizing cookbooks, asking questions, experimenting and making mess after mess, and reading on the internet can do. Have I mentioned my husband is patient? There’s still a loooong way to go; I get nervous if other people are at my house watching me in the kitchen, but whatever, one of these days maybe I’ll get over it.

Want to make me feel better by sharing your first food flop?

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