thankfulness

Why it’s been so long…

~ Christie ~ 2 Comments

imageSometimes it just feels good to say “No,” and know that you’re choosing the right thing. I’d be dishonest if I acted like saying no to the blog recently was hard; it wasn’t.

My sweet and energetic four-year-old is just coming out of two and a half weeks of sickness. This has meant multiple wake-ups at night, juggling homeschooling and other energetic children, mental energy trying to figure out what was wrong, and feeling like a thermometer was strapped to my hand.

Our children have been so healthy that I had never dealt with anything like this before; it’s nothing compared to what others live daily, but for me it was quite a valley.

The choice to rejoice and give thanks or to complain and despair was magnified with every day. I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker, and yet I could sense the steady current of God’s strength growing more and more apparent. You never really know when a hard time is coming, but sometimes in the middle you realize an overwhelming comfort that is just normally not sensed.

I have to admit, yesterday after we finally found out was wrong (which was an easily treated infection, much better than things we had begun to worry about) my trust and faith bottomed out. Obviously, when there was now a really good reason to rejoice! I was tired of being tired, and too tired to care that I had chosen the poor-me route.

Unfortunately, I can’t even say that today has been a complete turnaround. Though I woke this morning from an incredible nights sleep to four healthy, happy children, things in my heart are still working themselves out.

So here is what I’m thankful for right now: (and I’m preparing to be very convicted)

~ my husband, who carries more responsibility than I can even comprehend; yet is so loving and patient and understanding with me

~ the mercy of God, that daily keeps me from being consumed

~ our American healthcare system; yes, even that. I’m embarrassed at how many times I was tempted to complain while being helped by such caring, personal professionals

~ friends who cared and asked about and prayed for Sophia

~ a church family I dearly miss when we have to stay home

~ music on my ipad that speaks of God’s sovereignty, greatness, and deep love

~ other little girls who were about the cutest nurses you could ask for

I’m thankful that for now it seems we are out of the woods with this hardship; thankful for the opportunity to be tested and shaped; and praying that my faith will continue to grow as God gives opportunity.

{Israel recap} Day 8: An answered prayer

~ Christie ~ Leave a comment
Church of the Beatitudes
Church of the Beatitudes

(Repost)

I do remember praying before I went to bed the night before that God would somehow give me the strength and joy necessary to take of the girls the next day. Everything had been going so well, and then with the news of the shootings I felt all my physical and emotional stamina just caving in.

I woke up not feeling great, but determined to do my best regardless of my feelings. The girls all woke up early, except Hope, and they were pretty much ready by the time I heard my phone ring.

It was a long, weird number and I strongly suspected that Paul was on the other end.

I answered, smiling before I even heard his voice. But the smile after I heard his voice probably made the other smile look like one of Gracie’s scowls.

What he said hit me out of nowhere. After hearing the news about Connecticut, he said he needed to talk to us. He? needed? to talk to us? But you’re in Israel – the coolest place ever!

Why was I surprised? Of course I know how much he loves us. Of course I know how close he is to the girls. He would have had all the same thoughts and feelings that I had.

It was so good to talk to him. It was amazing to watch the girls excitement as they held the phone and talked to their beloved Daddy. It was so familiar to hear his excitement and love as he talked to them.

God could have answered my prayer in many ways. But He chose to give me strength and joy through my very favorite person, Paul. And once again, I was terribly excited for him that he was in Israel; and completely okay with taking care of the girlies alone.

***********

At dinner Gracie asked, “Where’s Daddy?”

“In Israel!” I replied.

“No,” she disagreed, “he’s at school.”

This was the first time that any of the girls had expressed concern over his whereabouts.

When thinking of how to best handle this time of them being away from him, I had thought about watching videos online of Israel or having some sort of countdown where we would eat candy out of a jar for every day he was gone and watch the amount dwindle. In the end, I did none of these things. The girls were handling it famously. They knew where he was and it felt best to just carry on and try to occupy ourselves with fun things.

It was interesting to me that Gracie had been the first to ask about him, sensing that it was weird that he was gone. Everything was fine, but I wondered what this second week would hold.

Thanks for reading my first series: Taking care of four little girls alone (while my husband is on an amazing study trip to Israel). Here are links to the other related posts. 

Series coming soon

It’s official: the Israel trip is on

Official introduction

Day 1: to turn out that last light

Day 2: lonely in a crowd

Day 3: Is something wrong with me?

Day 4: Sometimes you just need…

Day 5: It hit me

Day 6: The problem with “me” time

Day 7: I need you

{Israel recap} Day 2: lonely in a crowd

~ Christie ~ 1 Comment
IMG_1209
Moat built by crusaders at Caesarea Maritima
IMG_1231
Gate built by Solomon at Megiddo
IMG_1227
First century rolling stone tomb

(hello and thanks for reading my Israel recap. Last December my husband traveled on an amazing study trip to Israel. I stayed home to take care of our four little girls and blogged to keep track of how it went. Since my computer is being a little wacky right now I decided to rerun this series. Thanks to all who prayed and helped and supported during this time. Hope you enjoy reading!)

We go to a big church. I love our church. Today, it was incumbent on me to get myself and my four small daughters to church alone.

The prospect of getting four little girls up and out the door early might sound daunting, but I wasn’t really worried about it. Deep down, I know what it takes to get places ready and on time; I just get lazy and leave things ’til the last minute and then pull out the old, “but I’ve got four little kids!” excuse.

Anyways, times like this I realize I’m going to have to be on my game and what do you know? Things normally turn out fine.

***Interpretation of everything I just said for a male: Everything went fine getting the girls and I to church.***

I dropped them all off at their respective nurseries and classes and headed upstairs to our adult Bible fellowship. Our room is at the end of a long hallway opposite of the stairs. Walking past people, it seemed that everyone had someone to talk to. Of course, people said hi and everything, but it was the first time I really felt alone.

I sat and learned and talked to people and everything like normal, but it was all so un-normal because Paul wasn’t there. I guess you don’t know what a privilege someone’s presence is until it’s gone.

Thanks for reading my first series: Taking care of four little girls alone (while my husband is on an amazing study trip to Israel). Here are links to the other related posts. 

Series coming soon

It’s official: the Israel trip is on

Official introduction

Day 1: to turn out that last light

Lower

~ Christie ~ 4 Comments
photo credit
photo credit

‘Tis the gift to be simple

‘Tis the gift to be free…

…sounds great right?

‘Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be

*Come down*

I don’t know how many times in my life I’ve thought, “I don’t know if I can get any lower.”

And then, a few months later, or a year later, something else happens; and I think it again.

The human life starts out so high. I mean not really; we’re totally helpless, dependent, and unproductive. But we’re the absolute center of the world we know. The apex of the family for a few brief months.

photo credit
photo credit

Then reality begins to set in. And slowly, slowly, we come down.

*You mean brother and sister get to play with these toys, too?*

*Another kid got to give the right answer, but I raised my hand first!*

*Everyone in middle school laughed at my shoes today.*

*Wow, so this is college. Why don’t my roommates understand how important I am?*

*I’m heaving over a toilet for hours because there’s a little person inside my belly who’s making me sick!*

*That little person does not care that I’m used to sleeping at night… all night for that matter!*

*My husband’s coming home in thirty minutes; I’m dead tired, but so is he. And it’s my job and privilege to get up off this couch and joyfully make him something yummy to eat.*

*It’s hard to take four children to the Social Security Office! Or to carry all our groceries up the stairs plus making sure the children get up safely!*

*How many more times will I have to do mental gymnastics about how to make the groceries work out for the month? How much more can I cut out of what we consume?*

*How many more times do I have to close my eyes in shame at the things I’ve thought, at the hatred in my heart, at the sin that is so grotesque and ugly, brought to light by the brilliant Word of God and faithful prodding of the Spirit.*

*How many more times do I have to be wrong?*

*Why do I have so much trouble just loving Jesus?*

And lower and lower it goes.

And when we find ourselves in the place just right…

photo credit
photo credit

Just right is when I know I’m a nobody. I don’t deserve anything. In fact, I deserve much, much worse than I could ever endure in this life.

Realizing you’re a very small, insignificant member of the human race? Only now can you be of use to anyone.

Responsibilities of marriage and mothering setting in? Now you’re ready to truly enjoy the blessings.

Carting a bunch of little kids around? I have friends who long to bear just one child.

Having to make one more night a week meatless? Honestly, most of the world lives on rice, right?

Feeling the weight and guilt of my sin? Praise God for a conscience, for the Holy Spirit, for a forgiving Heavenly Father, for mercies that are new every morning, for the reminder to long for the day when all will be made new.

But I’m still blind. I’m still surprised when my reality is once again lowered.

But when I accept this place…

This place just right…

I’m in the valley of love and delight.

photo credit
photo credit

Warmed by every kiss from my husband,

Delighted at every antic of my children,

Thankful for every morsel I eat,

Blessed by every strain of worship I hear.

I can bow, and bend, and not be ashamed.

Because higher, and stronger, and prouder, and more independent are bad for me.

But lower is good.

Lower is good.

****

Simple Gifts

Day 8: An answered prayer

~ Christie ~ 12 Comments
Church of the Beatitudes
Church of the Beatitudes

I do remember praying before I went to bed the night before that God would somehow give me the strength and joy necessary to take of the girls the next day. Everything had been going so well, and then with the news of the shootings I felt all my physical and emotional stamina just caving in.

I woke up not feeling great, but determined to do my best regardless of my feelings. The girls all woke up early, except Hope, and they were pretty much ready by the time I heard my phone ring.

It was a long, weird number and I strongly suspected that Paul was on the other end.

I answered, smiling before I even heard his voice. But the smile after I heard his voice probably made the other smile look like one of Gracie’s scowls.

What he said hit me out of nowhere. After hearing the news about Connecticut, he said he needed to talk to us. He? needed? to talk to us? But you’re in Israel – the coolest place ever!

Why was I surprised? Of course I know how much he loves us. Of course I know how close he is to the girls. He would have had all the same thoughts and feelings that I had.

It was so good to talk to him. It was amazing to watch the girls excitement as they held the phone and talked to their beloved Daddy. It was so familiar to hear his excitement and love as he talked to them.

God could have answered my prayer in many ways. But He chose to give me strength and joy through my very favorite person, Paul. And once again, I was terribly excited for him that he was in Israel; and completely okay with taking care of the girlies alone.

***********

At dinner Gracie asked, “Where’s Daddy?”

“In Israel!” I replied.

“No,” she disagreed, “he’s at school.”

This was the first time that any of the girls had expressed concern over his whereabouts.

When thinking of how to best handle this time of them being away from him, I had thought about watching videos online of Israel or having some sort of countdown where we would eat candy out of a jar for every day he was gone and watch the amount dwindle. In the end, I did none of these things. The girls were handling it famously. They knew where he was and it felt best to just carry on and try to occupy ourselves with fun things.

It was interesting to me that Gracie had been the first to ask about him, sensing that it was weird that he was gone. Everything was fine, but I wondered what this second week would hold.

Thanks for reading my first series: Taking care of four little girls alone (while my husband is on an amazing study trip to Israel). Here are links to the other related posts. 

Series coming soon

It’s official: the Israel trip is on

Official introduction

Day 1: to turn out that last light

Day 2: lonely in a crowd

Day 3: Is something wrong with me?

Day 4: Sometimes you just need…

Day 5: It hit me

Day 6: The problem with “me” time

Day 7: I need you

Day 2: lonely in a crowd

~ Christie ~ 24 Comments
IMG_1209
Moat built by crusaders at Caesarea Maritima
IMG_1231
Gate built by Solomon at Megiddo
IMG_1227
First century rolling stone tomb

We go to a big church. I love our church. Today, it was incumbent on me to get myself and my four small daughters to church alone.

The prospect of getting four little girls up and out the door early might sound daunting, but I wasn’t really worried about it. Deep down, I know what it takes to get places ready and on time; I just get lazy and leave things ’til the last minute and then pull out the old, “but I’ve got four little kids!” excuse.

Anyways, times like this I realize I’m going to have to be on my game and what do you know? Things normally turn out fine.

***Interpretation of everything I just said for a male: Everything went fine getting the girls and I to church.***

I dropped them all off at their respective nurseries and classes and headed upstairs to our adult Bible fellowship. Our room is at the end of a long hallway opposite of the stairs. Walking past people, it seemed that everyone had someone to talk to. Of course, people said hi and everything, but it was the first time I really felt alone.

I sat and learned and talked to people and everything like normal, but it was all so un-normal because Paul wasn’t there. I guess you don’t know what a privilege someone’s presence is until it’s gone.

Thanks for reading my first series: Taking care of four little girls alone (while my husband is on an amazing study trip to Israel). Here are links to the other related posts. 

Series coming soon

It’s official: the Israel trip is on

Official introduction

Day 1: to turn out that last light

Ordinary

~ Christie ~ Leave a comment

Today was a good day with the girlies. What day isn’t good with four little girls? What I loved about today, I can’t really remember. We were together; we played; we worked; we learned (short vowel sound words and blends for them, patience for me). Gracie was as hilarious as a two year old should be; Hope was sweet, and old, and thoughtful, and a little out of control as she tried to make sure she was still worthy of attention. Sophia was Sophia. Mckayla made me wonder more than once if she was going to climb or flip out of her crib. I was exhausted and thankful when it was time to say goodnight.

I don’t deserve this job. Maybe blogging will help me remember that.

Ordinary things make me feel safe and real. That’s why I loved today.