criticism

What does a spiritual leader look like?

~ Christie ~ 4 Comments

4227948405_217e50071a_bAwhile back, I was reading at a prominent Christian mom blog. A particular and common topic brought on a myriad of thoughts; I came over here to write them out, unsure if they would ever be published. I have been thinking about it a lot, though, so I decided to go for it. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts.   

The question was posed, “What questions do you have regarding your marriage relationship?” The readers were supposed to leave their questions by way of comment to be answered in future posts by a mom and daughter.

The overwhelming majority of questions dealt with how to handle a husband that isn’t the spiritual leader he should be.

This question at once resonated with and unsettled me. Of course, I have felt and wondered about this same thing at times, but there has been a huge change in how I think about this matter in the last few years. Besides that, it didn’t look as pretty coming from other women as it did from myself.

So… what does a spiritual leader look like?

There are three major thoughts that come to mind regarding this issue, but I’m just going to start with one of them. (I don’t want to be blacklisted by my gender!) = )

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According to the Bible, one of my major roles as a married woman is to be the keeper (despot) at our home. Not just the figurative, emotional part of the home… the home: the toilets, rugs, baseboards, pantry, schedules, sleeping quarters, etc.

I don’t know about you, but I was no ready-made homemaker when I got married. In fact, quite the opposite… minus a hundred thousand. I am and always will be everlastingly grateful that my husband was patient with me regarding this. After six years, I’ve come a long way, but I have so much farther to go before I will even close to consider myself equal to most of the people I know.

Don’t you think that we as women might just be a little bit hard on our guys regarding this “spiritual leadership” issue? I mean, most guys don’t have any experience at spiritual leadership when they get married. So they gave a devotion in teen group? Were a prayer leader at Christian college? Led a discipleship group in their church? That no more prepares a man to “lead” an emotionally charged, newlywed girl/woman, then a high school cooking class prepares a woman to feed a gargantuan, hungry man… every day, on a budget.

How would you like for your husband to comment every time you left dishes in the sink too long? or were impatient with the children? or didn’t put much effort into making a nutritious, filling dinner? or for that matter, slept in and didn’t read your Bible? I know some women experience this regularly (thankfully, I’m not one of them); I doubt it’s a pleasant or inspiring experience.

Here, simply put, is my first question regarding husbands, wives, marriage, and spiritual leadership.

Are we too hard on our husbands regarding their God-given marital roles while giving ourselves unending patience and grace?

More than likely, yes.

A relationship has an atmosphere. Criticism and impatient waiting don’t mix well with love and support. Patience and grace can create an environment where small steps are encouraged, not avoided for fear of failure.

Besides that, we wives probably have enough work to on with ourselves for a while. When you take your eyes off of someone else’s faults and begin to concentrate on your own, things really do brighten up.

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Has anyone else noticed this widespread dissatisfaction? What are your feelings on the matter?

Think about yourself for once

~ Christie ~ 7 Comments
photo credit
photo credit

This post was written a few months ago and has been tweaked here and there. I thought I would include it as part of this “anniversary week.”

Confession time here (and it’s painful because of pride), God has been convicting me lately regarding how I think about my husband.

I tend to be one of those “exhorters,” you might call it; very willing to talk about faults; always wanting to spur people on to that next step of sanctification. But the truth of the matter is that lately, it’s just been mean-old criticism.

I think the thought process started when it dawned on me, “Would you want him to be like that about you?” (Immediate NO!!) Why are you thinking about his faults? You want him to dwell on your good points.

Oh yes! Yes, I do!

I want my husband to think about my strengths, to reflect on all the things he loves about me. To be willing to help me and speak the unpleasant truth if I need it, but if I’m honest… I want him to think of me as amazing! And for the most part completely ignore that I’m a complete mess, can’t keep clean laundry in the drawers to save my life, can’t figure out how to make a good meal when people come over, can’t keep my counter cleaned off, and the list goes on.

A gracious light is shining into this dark compartment of my heart.

I’ve actually been thinking about myself more; seeing my selfishness, my laziness, my lack of devotion to Christ. Replacing my criticism of others with the Holy Spirit’s promptings about my sin has opened up the door again for love.

I’ve begun to see Paul differently. Admiring his strengths, thankful for his leadership, loving his company… does this guy even have any faults?

All along, it wasn’t really him I was seeing and criticizing… it was myself. But it’s so much more enjoyable to blame other people for our inadequacies!

Have I praised my husband yet on this blog for being patient with me? Oh yeah… several times. I’m so thankful for him. If I was him, I would have kicked me and my attitude to the curb a long time ago.

So here’s my word of experiential wisdom for all the oppressed, neglected housewives of America… just think about yourself for once! = )