Weeks like this remind me of why it can sometimes be so difficult to find time to train your kids. Why you go days and then look back and think, “Did I teach them anything?”
This week is full, but good full.
We have been working a lot at behavior at the table. But other than that…
Three more days in the week. = )
Pardon a personal story that I need to remember next time I’m sitting at the table waiting for a child to finish something they don’t want to.
Within the last month, Sophia has made it clear that she does not like white rice. Unfortunately for her, she still has to eat it. Unfortunately for us, we have to help her eat it.
I promise: the last three times we’ve eaten white rice, I’ve given her a purposefully small portion. That didn’t seem to matter, however, while the centuries went by as she ate it.
You have to understand, when you’re sitting at the table, wishing like never before that you hadn’t said they had to eat it, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. It’s frustration for all parties involved. You just end up questioning why you have decided that it is important for a four year-old to eat all the food given to her on her plate.
Well, white rice night rolled around again; and I again dished out a small portion to Sophia. Unexpectedly during dinner, she began making excited noises and pointing to her plate with her fork. I didn’t get it, so when she had swallowed her food she exclaimed, “I just took a bite of rice!” (possibly the first time she’s ever waited to swallow her food before speaking) = )
She continued to eat all of her white rice before anything else on her plate!
At this point, I have to postpone the celebration and interject that Paul is the one that taught them this. He always works his way from least favorite to favorite on his plate; unlike me, who gobbles up the meat and carbs and then pushes my vegetables around until I realize there are small people watching me. He’s talked with them many times about how it’s better to eat your least favorite thing first, but this was the first time any of them had tried it -willingly!
There were cheers and hoorays and praises all around. Finally, something had sunk in!
Now, as I said with Mckayla and holding Mommy’s hand, this doesn’t mean anything for next time.
But I want to remember it next time I’m growing old at the table.
After a lovely and profitable weekend away, and after a long, good Monday… this is about all I have to say.
I’ve really been thinking for the past two days how you’re always training your kids… even when you’re not. They pick up your attitudes and actions; they learn in what situations we will and won’t discipline them… they’re always learning.
Especially impressive to me has been the thought that they are impacted even by the things I do when they’re not around. How I choose to spend my free time, how I think about people who come and go in my life, how I devote myself to Christ… these are all things that directly impact who I am when I’m around my girls. I can’t even perceive the influence, but I know it’s there.
Perhaps this is not very clear since it’s late and I’m writing off-the-cuff.
If my girls learn more from my example, than from what I actually teach them, I want to make sure there is equal effort going into training them and into being a consistent person, even when they’re not there.
May my desires become less and may passion for Christ become more.
What can some lyrics to a song you love possibly have to do with training your kids?
You might be surprised.
I find that so often my day is won or lost within the first hour of being awake. (Though there are definitely days when this doesn’t happen and you have to find a way to redeem them. Maybe more ideas on that later.)
Back to directing your day attitude early on. Though most of us mothers of little ones would love to spend a long amount of time in the morning reading or praying, it is often not possible. I have found that one of the best ways to direct your thoughts towards eternal things in the morning is to rehearse Scripture that has been put to memory or lyrics to songs you love.
Sometimes when I’ve been searching through my memory for a good song, I find ones that are robust with theological truth are hard to find. I don’t need a song with just one good line here or there, I want truth after truth to prepare my heart for the day.
Here is one I’m learning right now. I don’t have it all the way memorized yet, but hopefully soon!
I love the “big picture” perspective.
Your glorious cause, O God, engages our hearts
May Jesus Christ be known wherever we are
We ask not for ourselves, but for Your renown
The cross has saved us so we pray
Your kingdom come
Let Your kingdom come
Let Your will be done
So that everyone might know Your Name
Let Your song be heard everywhere on earth
Till Your sovereign work on earth is done
Let Your kingdom come
Give us Your strength, O God, and courage to speak
Perform Your wondrous deeds through those who are weak
Lord use us as You want, whatever the test
By grace we’ll preach Your gospel
Till our dying breath
Let Your Kingdom Come , Bob Kauflin
I have a confession to make: I don’t really like mom blogs.
Reason 1: At the end of the day, I want to think, read and look at something that has almost no connection to what I’ve been doing all day.
Reason 2: I find that even most Christian mom blogs have tendencies toward secular thinking, man-centered theology, or an imbalanced view of grace.
With that said, today I want to share with you the two blogs that are an immense help to me as a mom – and wife, and believer.
This blog is by Carolyn Mahaney and her three daughters. I call this my “get up off the couch and do something blog.” It is encouraging and convicting. Their content goes way past the surface we’re so often content to stay at and digs to the deeper theological basis of womanhood. Many times at the end of the day after perusing other non-mom blogs, I come to this one and am so helped. So much that I usually find myself getting up off the couch to do dishes. Now that’s a blog I can use! (by the way, I don’t think they’ve ever mentioned getting up to do dishes, but rehearsing biblical truth has a way of spurring you on to that next step of obedience – which in my case is normally doing the dishes.)
They have a great sense of history, using examples, quotes and excerpts from godly men and women from the past.
The site also has the fun 52 home collection which features pictures of everyday home events in a way that make a mom smile.
Also on the site is a great list of resources, books and audio, many of which I’ve listened to.
I really hope you know about this blog already, but if you don’t please check it out! Even if you’re unfamiliar with the family, it will be a huge blessing and help.
On to,
This blog is quite often hilarious. Again, a mother and daughters team, they are all gifted and humorous writers.
But they don’t cut a mom slack, and that’s what I love about them. They will probably describe exactly what’s happening in your day and point you to the biblical truth that will help you tomorrow.
I find that they are excellent at addressing the day-to-day issues of being a mom as well as the cultural issues that are specific to our society and even our generation of Christians.
Always there is the firm foundation of bringing glory to God, whether by thought, word or action.
If you have not read at this site before, please go! You’ll love it! I highly recommend it.
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Well, those are my favorites! What are yours?
We didn’t really have any trouble with this concept until our fourth little girl came along.
But apparently what is textbook for one -or three- is rocket science for another.
Our Mckayla has a fierce independent streak (rivaled only by her mother’s = /) and training her has proved to be a whole new ballgame. (but that’s a whole other post)
The point of this one is short: we have been working with Mckayla off and on about holding Mommy’s hand while we walk around.
Today we went to Target and purposely bypassed the carts so she could have a chance to practice walking around and holding my hand. For once we weren’t in a ridiculous hurry. (which by the way, can be a great enemy to training my kids)
And good news… she did really great! By now, I know her well enough to know that this means absolutely nothing for tomorrow. But for today, I’m thankful for a small step of victory and an opportunity to help her taken.
I realize it has only been three or four days, but writing this stuff is really helping me to pay better attention at working on things with the girls (and me). I pray that we’ll finish these 31 days better than we started. It’s so easy to do great at the beginning.
And just for fun to “keep it real” this is what Mckayla wore two days ago as her mother did not have any clean pants for her. We did change to go out, but it was only to a non-sleepwear, non-matching flowered skirt. Oh yeah!
I began training my sweet little Hopey quite literally in a cow pasture. We lived in a small trailer in the middle of wide open fields, mostly inhabited by cows.
As soon as Hope was able to walk, I took her outside, stood her up about five feet away from me and called her to “Come.”
At first she just looked at me funny. Have you ever tried explaining a simple concept to an eighteen month old? She eventually understood, and being the sweet, compliant child she is, came every time.
But still we would go outside almost every day and practice. And practice and practice.
This was my first little girl and I didn’t want anything to happen to her. I wanted to know that she would come right to Mommy when I called. Eventually, I would stand much farther away; let her play by herself for awhile and then call when she wasn’t really paying attention; and put her on the other side of the van and call when she couldn’t see me.
It might sound a little ridiculous, but at the time it was really no trouble. She thought it was just a game.
I will say that practicing like this has been harder for me with the more children we’ve had. However, looking back, I really wish that I had done as much with the others as I did with Hope. There was still training, but I know there wasn’t as much.
(By the way, we practiced this same thing with the girls tonight after dinner. That and self-control was about the extent of today, but at least we did something!) = )
Back to Hopey, I’ll never forget when we were outside one day getting ready to get in the car; she looked right across the street at our cow companions and called, “Come. Come, cow.”
There’s nothing like seeing yourself mimicked by a toddler.
Whoo! It’s 8:17 and I’m hoping the girls sleep until 8:30 which gives me thirteen minutes to do this.
Already this challenge has been a help to me because I’m up and ready!
No time for formalities!
Definitions (which will be shorter than I had thought)
Training is foreseeing circumstances or events that a small child will encounter and preparing them to handle those. This might be how to act when left with a sitter or going to bed when told. For me at the earliest stages it has meant teaching them to come when I call, stay with me out in public, and hold my hand while walking around.
It can also mean teaching through problems that have already happened. How many times do we wake up and watch our child “break new ground” in some unsightly fashion or another and think, “Okay, I guess we’re going to have to work on that.”
Goals
My goals for this month have less to do with my kids and more with me.
Am I taking the opportunities I’m given or missing them because something else is on my mind?
When I do see that undesirable behavior out in public, I know I probably wasn’t working as much at home as I could have been.
My main and super general goal is to spend time every day in training of some kind. And to really watch and think about what I see going on in my children’s hearts and behavior.
Plans
The plan right now is to get the girls up, work on Awana verses and eating quickly at breakfast, and try something new with homeschool which I’ll let you know later if it works. = )
See ya round!
Why is it so hard to do simple, important things… every day?
I’ve taken on a challenge to blog about one topic for thirty-one days. While I would love to research and write about diy projects, design, poetry, etc… I have a major responsibility in my life right now, and it’s only going to last for a few short years.
I have four girls, five and under, and our life can get a little crazy.
Training your children isn’t about turning out perfect little angels, it’s about survival. And joy. Every minute I give to training my girls yields hours of fun, laughter, exploration and growth.
So why do I find it so hard to do consistently?
Contrasting the above-mentioned fun and laughter are the bad attitudes, impatience and frustration that come from mom checking out for a few days.
Training (especially for the purposes of this series) is not equivalent to discipline. But rather, it is the creative and pre-emptive guidance of a parent. “Here, let me show you what I expect, and let’s think of fun ways to practice.”
I want to write about training my kids because that’s one of the most important things I need to be doing every day. And it’s also the hardest… to just do.
I plan to write about things I have done in the past, and things I need to do right now. There will be “favorite” days where I will share resources that I love, and in-the-moment struggles as I evaluate, “What did I actually do today?”
I dearly love my kids and love being a mom. I don’t want to waste these years by wishing them away, and I also don’t want to look back and say, “Well, at least we had fun.” There’s got to be a balance.
Here’s my effort to journal the training that goes on in our house for one month. Want to follow along?
Check back every day in October to keep up with the fun!
Coming tomorrow: 31 days of training my kids: definitions, goals, plans
A great big thanks to the Nester for all the fun and inspiration.
If you’re new here, thank you so much for coming! I’d love for you to look around; start at the About page and you can find favorite posts from there. If you like what you see like the blog on facebook and follow by email so you won’t miss a thing!
Recently we were at a birthday party where I got to meet a friend of a friend who was there with her two week old son. I would say it brought back a lot of memories for me, but actually I have very few memories from what I fondly call “the black cloud.” The black cloud in it’s strictest definition ranges from the moment of coming home from the hospital to approximately six weeks, varying by person. The black cloud can also quite accurately describe the moment of coming home from the hospital to the first full week a baby sleeps through the night. All that to say, I don’t really have memories of it. Just memories of memories; which is kind of weird.
Anyways, I guess I got to thinking about what it’s like during that time. The girl kept saying, “It’s just so weird to be thinking about something else besides him for like thirty seconds.” And I totally understood that. I also totally understand what it’s like to be walking down a dark hallway really wondering if you just fed the baby or if you were on your way to feed her. And the list could go on.
It really is so weird because you feel like you’re functioning; everything seems “normal” as far as your perspective of yourself and time and conversation. But then afterwards it’s just completely blank.
Skipping to another new mom topic here: this advice is given frequently, but this is the way I say it: When someone offers to help you, the answer is yes. Yes, you can take my plate to the trash. Yes, I need some water. Yes, yes, yes. Believe me, you will have your chance to be helpful or strong or capable later on; just accept the help.
It was so fun for me to watch this girl and try to think of what she needed and how to be a help. I’ve waited and prayed for the time when I could be on the other end and in a small way, it came. As the evening progressed you could tell she got more comfortable with being the “babied” one. That’s so good! For all first time moms everywhere, you are so special. Don’t worry about not
savoring every moment or about getting it all right; it will all end up in the black cloud anyhow. That’s just how it goes and it’s okay.
small steps, big picture 