So today I’m going to tell you about how I made this totally disgusting, inedible attempt at applesauce. It was so easy! Literally, it took less than ten minutes and we had awful aromas and puzzled children. All the ingredients were right on hand, just waiting to be sacrificed. Here’s the recipe: you’re going to love it!

First, randomly decide to make it (in the middle of lunch) and don’t bother to look at the recipe; I’m sure your memory is as reliable as mine.

1 chopped apple

a few tablespoons of water

squirt of honey

spoonful of brown sugar

cinnamon (optional) because I couldn’t find mine

Dump all ingredients in a small microwave safe bowl. Don’t bother to stir or cover; everything will be just fine.

Microwave on high for five minutes. (Small note: I did remember exactly that the original recipe said ten minutes, but I knew I was doing a smaller amount so I cut the time in half. Didn’t want it to burn or anything.)

Remove from microwave; groan; fill with dish detergent and let soak until washable; continue groaning.

(Yeah, I was feeding Mckayla these little chopped apples. She had enough teeth to do it, but I thought, “This is going to take a while, why don’t I just make them into applesauce real quick?”) Think again, genius.

The smoky, steamy, apple-y, s’mores-y gas that covered me when I opened the microwave was wretched. NOT what I was looking for! The apples? Completely burnt and black – like a rock! To further my lapse in judgment, I tasted them. Moron! …gag… basically charcoal.

Will my aptitude for disaster in the kitchen ever come to an end?