This week is going to be short and sweet! (At the bottom are links to the other posts in this series if you need to catch up)
When I taught piano lessons to other people’s children, it was very important to me that I looked nice and that my house looked nice. Sensible enough. These people are paying me, I’m exerting some measure of influence over this child, and I want to look the part.
I think the same should be true, even when you’re teaching your own child.
Prepare yourself and your house as carefully as you would if you were teaching someone else’s child.
Obviously, I try as a rule to be dressed and looking nice during the day just for my girls. But there are days where my appearance and perhaps even the status of my shower-ed-ness is less than desirable. But not on piano lesson day.
If the morning was rushed and I was unable to get ready, then I will take fifteen minutes before Hope’s lesson to do my make-up, earrings, outfit. I want her to know that this is important to me; I also want to help myself take it seriously even on days when I’m tired or other things around the house aren’t quite up to par.
Would I be okay looking like this if another kid was coming for a lesson?
Then there’s the house. Thankfully for us, Hope’s lessons are on Monday afternoons. Monday is after Sunday; and that means that Monday morning is basically clean up from the aftermath of Sunday time. All that to say, there’s not usually too much for me to straighten before the lesson. However, after I put the little girls down for their naps, I take a look around and try to put things away until it looks presentable.
I’m not sure that Hope notices any of this. But I know that it helps me and my mindset. I want to give her my best, to be serious and committed. And for lesson day, that means looking put together personally and having a house that’s neat.
Any other thoughts on how to be professional while teaching your own child?
Here are the links to the other posts in this series:
Oh boy, was it a good week for funny things said around here! I started these posts so I could remember the silly and ridiculous things that come out of our mouths. This week there’s even a guest appearance from one of Paul’s sixth grade students!
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First up…
Sophia leans over to Hope at the dinner table, “I want to tell ya somethin’…” she says excitedly.
Hope leans over to listen.
“Have to wait ’til next year!”
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“Hope, while you’re supposed to be picking up toys is not a good time to pretend that you’re blind.” (me; and thank you Helen Keller book)
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Paul was having a conversation with some of his middle school students regarding middle school smells. = ) I guess one of the guys started feeling a little in the hot seat so he blurted out, “Hey! I put deodorant on yesterday!”
It got better.
Later he defended himself, “Hey, cologne covers a multitude of scents.”
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And… in my opinion, one of the funniest things I’ve heard around here in a long time.
To set it up, I have to give you a little background. We have this Curious George book about writing thank-you notes. On the back of the book, it shows how to pronounce “thank you” in several languages. The girls learned “Merci!” and get a great kick out of using it on me every now and then. We have said several times that I need to learn how to say “Your welcome” in French so I can respond to them.
All that to say, we were sitting at dinner one night (just the girls and I) and Sophia asked how to say “eye” in French. (Sometimes we get a little bored and crazy after being in the house all day together without Paul)
My computer happened to be on in the kitchen so I said, “I’ll go check for you.”
I googled it and listened to the pronunciation several times. Apparently, I don’t have an ear for the French language. To me, it sounded like, “Oh-ay?” “Oh-i?”
I told Sophia as best as I could and all the girls said it several times.
We finished dinner and I was just clearing the table when I saw Sophia go up to Hope and say, “Oh-ay!”
Hope’s response made me laugh out loud.
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t understand you, I’m English.”
Seriously?
Then Sophia proceeded to follow her around the table pointing at her eye, blinking, and saying, “Oh-ay? Oh-ay? Oh-ay?”
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The next night, the girls were repeating the aforementioned joke because they knew it made me laugh.
Hope had just finished saying, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t understand you, I’m English,” when Gracie chimed in…
“I can’t stand you, ma’am! I’m anguish!”
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Ohhhh, I love living with little kids! First-class entertainment.
This post was written a few months ago and has been tweaked here and there. I thought I would include it as part of this “anniversary week.”
Confession time here (and it’s painful because of pride), God has been convicting me lately regarding how I think about my husband.
I tend to be one of those “exhorters,” you might call it; very willing to talk about faults; always wanting to spur people on to that next step of sanctification. But the truth of the matter is that lately, it’s just been mean-old criticism.
I think the thought process started when it dawned on me, “Would you want him to be like that about you?” (Immediate NO!!) Why are you thinking about his faults? You want him to dwell on your good points.
Oh yes! Yes, I do!
I want my husband to think about my strengths, to reflect on all the things he loves about me. To be willing to help me and speak the unpleasant truth if I need it, but if I’m honest… I want him to think of me as amazing! And for the most part completely ignore that I’m a complete mess, can’t keep clean laundry in the drawers to save my life, can’t figure out how to make a good meal when people come over, can’t keep my counter cleaned off, and the list goes on.
A gracious light is shining into this dark compartment of my heart.
I’ve actually been thinking about myself more; seeing my selfishness, my laziness, my lack of devotion to Christ. Replacing my criticism of others with the Holy Spirit’s promptings about my sin has opened up the door again for love.
I’ve begun to see Paul differently. Admiring his strengths, thankful for his leadership, loving his company… does this guy even have any faults?
All along, it wasn’t really him I was seeing and criticizing… it was myself. But it’s so much more enjoyable to blame other people for our inadequacies!
Have I praised my husband yet on this blog for being patient with me? Oh yeah… several times. I’m so thankful for him. If I was him, I would have kicked me and my attitude to the curb a long time ago.
So here’s my word of experiential wisdom for all the oppressed, neglected housewives of America… just think about yourself for once! = )
Do you like surprises? I LOVE surprises. Always have.
One of the coolest surprises I’ve experienced in my adult life are the things that make you feel loved. You know, like really loved. Like how you imagine that girl feels in the movies when the guy takes her hand, or meets her in the middle of a field and professes his undying love, or brings her flowers when she’s stuffy and sick.
When I imagined being married and experiencing things that really made me feel loved… I probably thought of candlelight dinners, snuggling, dancing to soft music in the living room, holding hands while we drove down some random road. But after being married for even only a year or so, I realized that it was totally different things that really made me feel loved.
We became pregnant very soon after we were married. There were a lot of reasons that this was exciting, but one of them for me was the chance to finally wear maternity clothes! I had been waiting my whole life! Seriously, I was the girl that would always look at the maternity section first in catalogs and daydream about browsing through maternity stores when I passed them in the mall. A little weird maybe, but that was me. Little by little, I began to pick up pieces; but one day, I found IT. The cutest blue maternity dress ever. At Target. Ridiculously priced. But that was okay because my sweet brother had given me a gift card. Happy sigh.
Okay, I can tell you’re needing some help picturing how cute this dress was. It was a solid blue; smoky, pearly, grayish, very wonderful medium blue. Knee-length with a pretty collar and buttons all the way down. Classy, but cute. (No elastic anywhere!) And… it had this awesome blue belt for right above the belly. I love belts! I love bows! I love knots! I couldn’t wait to get home and try it on for Paul.
And that’s the end of happy Act 1. Let’s just say, the dress looked great; the belt looked horrid. But maybe I was just doing it wrong. It had to work, it was so cute! I tried everything I could think of and it all looked awful.
So I went to Paul with downcast heart and mopey face. I explained my frustration and how I just couldn’t get it right.
Then he started trying. Yes, him.
He tied it in the front. He tied in the back. He tied it on the side. And for good measure on the other side, too.
He tied it in a bow. He tied it in a knot.
He tied it above, below, and across my belly.
And somewhere in the middle of all that… I began to feel really loved.
At first, embarrassed. Then worried that I was taking too much of his time. But then I looked at his face, all concentrated. And I knew that he cared.
Something that was so small, so ridiculous, so impossibly removed from the important matters of the world, mattered to him in that moment. He gave me his time and creativity and didn’t make me feel even slightly silly.
I ended up wearing the dress without the belt and it was just as cute. Paul doesn’t remember this happening; even though I’ve told him about it three or four times since then. But I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
What a surprise, that you’re husband fooling with getting your belt to look right for fifteen minutes could make you feel so loved.
I think this is my favorite picture from our wedding.
Ready for a riddle?
Who is 6 foot 2, going bald, easy to please, loves people, hates coleslaw, cheers for Duke and the Yankees, incredibly handsome, enviably smart, and gives the absolute best hugs and horseyback rides?
If you guessed my favorite person ever, you’re right!
Six years ago today, I got to marry him. It was pretty cool that he even asked me.
Since then, life has not been a bed of roses, or a bowl of cherries, or a walk in the park, or whatever you might call it. But it’s been amazing.
I have learned an incredible amount from him and been shown more love than I could ever deserve in one hundred lifetimes.
It all started out with us making milkshakes together on Wednesday nights at a camp in Arizona. Now we have four little girls and an amazing assortment of memories.
Paul, aka Bubby, I am so thankful for you. Your love has taught me more than I could tell. Marriage to you has been one of the greatest gifts God ever gave me.
I remain the Founder and President of your official fan club.
Well, hello again! I have been teaching my daughter Hope piano lessons for twelve weeks now. Knowing that it would be a challenge, I decided to chronicle the happenings here. It’s been great for encouragement and reflection and hopefully even helpful for you as well.
The first post in the series dealt with a little trick I call The Name Game.
Today, I’m going to share some helpful tips I’ve learned about practicing with your child during the week, as the mom and NOT the teacher.
Tip #1: Take a different posture than you do while teaching.
If you usually stand while teaching, try during the week to sit down while they practice. If you’re the teacher who prefers to sit, trying standing while they practice.
This might seem so small, but it has made a huge difference for me.
The first few weeks of practicing with Hope during the week were really rough for me. I was trying so hard to not be “teachery,” but having trouble! I know one day I literally chewed a great big spot in my cheek. (It hurt!) Everything in me wanted to be correcting and instructing, moving her hands and straightening her back, and ugh. Something had to happen. So one day, probably the day after I chewed the inside of my cheek off, I decided to pull up an ottoman and sit down next to her instead of standing. (I always stand up when giving lessons) It was amazing how this small change gave me a totally different perspective. Instead of being a teacher, now I was just a mom. Listening, helping her know what to practice next, making sure she wasn’t dawdling in between assignments, but other than that, just being there and watching her play. Sometimes I hold a hot cup of coffee and just sit there; it’s actually kind of relaxing.
Tip #2: As a general rule, only correct what an ordinary parent would know to correct.
Yes, while I’m watching Hope practice, there are a thousand things that I know “Mrs. _____” would say if she was listening, but during that time, I’m not her teacher, I’m her mom. Especially at this early stage, I’ll do more damage than good by using my “pianist knowledge” with her as she practices. I would much rather her come ask me for extra help, then wish that I would put a cork in it.
When she’s practicing, and I think I should remark about something she’s doing wrong, I ask myself, “Would an ordinary parent know to say that?” And if I think yes, then I go ahead and try to help. If not, then I leave it alone. After all, we wouldn’t “Mrs. _____” to not have any work to do during the lesson.
Tip #3: Focus on developing good concentration skills and work ethic.
I feel that a parent’s “supervisor” role should have as it’s focus their child’s concentration skills and work ethic. Do I want Hope to learn to play that D Major scale correctly? Yes! But I can artificially teach her how to play it perfectly. As a parent, it’s more important to me that she begin to learn good character as it regards to learning and practicing.
Here’s an example, I won’t correct every wrong note or note value that she plays; but I do work on her dawdling in between songs, playing what I call “whatever music” (just random notes on the piano).
“Hope, this is your time to practice your lesson. That is not your lesson. We only have so much time, and you need to work on only the things that are written in your assignment book. When you finish one thing, you go right to the next.”
I’m all for being creative. I regularly let Hope have time at the piano to just “play.” She likes to experiment with sounds and intervals and ups and downs and everything. That is good and that is helpful. But when it’s time to practice the lesson, she must be focused.
This might sound like a lot to ask from a five-year old, but I’m not actually expecting her to do it perfectly now (that’s why I’m here), I’m just trying to plant the seeds of how to focus on a task you’ve been given. This translates to chores, schoolwork, and even games.
The same could be said of work ethic. I have the chance to watch her and gauge her diligence and effort. Even now, I want to encourage her to give her best. It’s a huge lesson in life to learn that a major way to respond with thankfulness for opportunities is to engage yourself in them with all your heart. Thankfully, she does pretty good at this right now, because she’s still loving it.
These things, concentration and work ethic (thought I might not use those exact terms with her), are things that I will comment on as I see the need. I feel that as the parent, these are things that fall under our concern. We’re uniquely able to deal with these issues as we oversee the practice time during the week.
Tip #4: Try not to make up for your child’s memory just because you are also the teacher.
This in some ways is a sub-point under the last tip. I’ll try to make it short. = ) A teacher has to be very careful and clear about what they want during the week. The child’s responsibility is to remember. If something is extremely important and the teacher thinks the student might need help remembering, they will probably make an extra note on the assignment book so the parent will be aware of the instructions as well. This way the parent can also help the child remember.
As far as Hope and I go, if it’s not expressly written in her assignment book and she doesn’t remember what Mrs. _____ said during the lesson, I don’t remind her (even though I am technically Mrs. _____ and know what she’s supposed to do). She needs to be accountable for remembering and she needs to feel the consequences of not remembering at the lesson if she didn’t follow through.
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I hope these have been helpful and thought-provoking. As I already said, it’s been good for me to think through the different challenges of teaching your own child; and it’s been fun to figure out solutions to those challenges.
I can only imagine what we’ll learn together in the future! = )
(Next time we’ll talk about preparing yourself and your house to be “teacher-like” on lesson day)
Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear your feedback in the comments.
In my recent post about why every house should have a two-year old, I said that one of the best things about this time is the stages that they go through. I thought it would be fun to chronicle the different stages that our dear Gracie has had. It started out with them all in one post, but that was way too long. So, I’ll just break it up and do a couple every now and then. There are two for today; hope you enjoy!
Birthday Woo!
Gracie’s first stage that relates to being two started a few weeks before her second birthday. Her sisters had been in the habit of singing “Happy Birthday” with an enthusiastic “Woo!” for an ending.
Of course, Gracie was quite small still, but for fun we would ask her what she wanted for her birthday. At first she would smile and think and then say, “Birthday Woo!” We thought this was adorable, so like any good family we kept asking her and asking her and asking her. Her response would grow in excitement. To accompany the “Birthday” she would shake her arms twice in a typing position, then raise them up high over her head when she said, “Woo!” It got to where you could ask her at any point in the day, in the middle of any occasion, we would ask, “Gracie, what do you want for your birthday?” and she would adorably reply, “Birthday Woo!”
I so wish that I would have caught this little antic on video; but as all stages do, it came to an end before I did. Poor thing, her arms must have gotten tired.
Boy run!
This next stage was a weirdy. I sort of hate to include it because it wasn’t all that funny and didn’t make sense, but then again, who says that two year old stages by requirement must be sensical?
Gracie would say to me, “Mommy, when I was a little boy… I would say, ‘Boy run!'”
Yep. That’s it.
Every now and then it would be, “Mommy, when I was little boy… I said, ‘Boy preach!'”
I have absolutely no idea where this one came from, but I do know that she would say it at least once at every meal.
Sometimes we would interrupt her and say, “Gracie, you never were a little boy…”
And she would continue, “…I said, ‘Boy run!'”
Like I said, a weirdy.
Until next time…
What are some of the funny stages your two-year olds have been through? Do tell, I love these kinds of stories. = )
Ready for a recipe that’s not really a recipe? = )
I get to learn as a seminary wife to be very creative with our meal planning/grocery shopping. Meat can be expensive… but, I really love meat. My challenge is to find meals that are meatless that we I will still enjoy.
Here is an idea for one that I have come to love and even crave. My husband loves it (he’s much easier to please than me) and my girls eat it pretty well, too. I’ve included here the ingredients, long instructions, how much it costs, time sequence, and short instructions.
Ingredients:
Instant tortilla mix
Bag of black beans
Can of diced tomatoes with green chiles
Salt, to taste
Long instructions:
It all started with an amazing discovery at Walmart: instant tortilla mix.
All you have to do is add water, knead for five minutes, let it rise for fifteen minutes, and roll out your tortillas to cook on a griddle. They are delicious.
Now for the black beans. I buy a bag of store brand dry black beans. On nights that we eat them for dinner, I start cooking them around lunch time because I cannot stand anything but soft beans. I follow the instructions on the bag for the quick soak (boil 1-2 minutes, then cover, remove from heat, and let stand about 1-1 1/2 hours).
After the beans have soaked, they will need drained and rinsed.
(I just realized that I’m giving you the directions from the back of the bag and acting like I came up with it. No credit here! Just lettin’ you know how easy it is. = )
Cover the beans again with water and bring to a boil; then reduce to a simmer and cover. From there, I let them cook as long as I can… at least an hour, but preferably two or three.
I wait to add the salt until the last twenty minutes or so.
Then I add a can of store brand diced tomatoes with green chiles and give it a few more minutes to heat through.
Serve with the tortillas and YUM!!
*Note: my girlies don’t care for the diced tomatoes and chiles, so I just dish theirs out before I add in the goodness. Someday they’re taste buds will grow up and then we’ll have to share. = (
Cost:
If I did the math for one meal, I would guess it’s around $2.75? And that serves six (two adults and four kids) with a bowl leftover.
If you take into account how much you have to pay up front for all the ingredients (which does make a difference sometimes) I would look at it like this: $3.38 for the tortilla mix, $2 for the black beans, and $.77 for the tomatoes. Just over six dollars. If you bought another bag of beans and three more cans of tomatoes, this would make at least four meals (for a family our size), and bring the total cost to $10.50 which divided by 4 is approximately… somebody help me because I’m over my head in arithmetic now… $2.61?? (thanks for the help) Not too bad.
We eat this meal about every two weeks, and I actually look forward to it when I see it on the menu.
Time Sequence:
Here’s how the time sequence goes, at least in my house.
1:00 Boil beans for two minutes, cover, remove from heat and let soak
2:30 Rinse beans, boil again, reduce heat, cover and let simmer
@4:30 Begin making tortillas
5:00 Add salt to beans
5:20 Dish out girlies bowls (this helps them cool as well); Add diced tomatoes with chiles
5:30 Serve!
*Plan for a good 4-5 hours for the beans total, and 45 min. for the tortillas. This might sound long, but there is a lot of dead time in there where I can play with the girls, clean up the kitchen, fold laundry, etc. I love days when I make this meal; to me, it requires very little effort.
Short instructions:
-Prepare black beans and tortillas according to package directions.
-Add salt to beans during the last twenty minutes of cooking time.
-Add the can of diced tomatoes with green chiles and allow a few more minutes for them to heat through.
Let me know if you try it! What is the cheapest meal you make? Thanks, as always, for reading… have a lovely day.
Because of what you see in this picture, I have makeup on this morning.
Sophia was the engineer; Mckayla was cleanup control; and Gracie (not pictured) was the foreman, generally complaining and telling everyone what they were doing wrong. = )
small steps, big picture 